I like your simile: ‘it felt like hitting a brick then sinking into a parallel universe.’
You need to not miss words out so often.
I liked your imagination in the story because it wasn’t like anything I’d heard before.
I liked your use of onomatopoeia: ‘my visions came back with a thud.
I like your simile: ‘it felt like hitting a brick then sinking into a parallel universe.’
You need to not miss words out so often.
I liked your imagination in the story because it wasn’t like anything I’d heard before.
I liked your use of onomatopoeia: ‘my visions came back with a thud.